new year, new me (?)

As we all know,

my body is particularly uncooperative with my slimming efforts.

Last year was one 

very long, 

very unproductive struggle

in that department.

I had gained 5 lbs during the holidays (2014)

and I spent the entire year (2015)

I kid you not,

the entire year

losing and regaining those 5 lbs.

Never once dipping

even an ounce

below my lowest low of 2014.

I read so many stinking books, and tried several different diet theories

and nothing worked.

(more carbs (though still LC by most standards) 

and fewer fat grams as recommended in Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle

did not agree with me at all;

my emotional and mental well being suffered a lot during those few weeks!)

The only way I lost any of those 5 lbs

was when I fat-fasted

which, in a nutshell is 1000 - 1200 calories,

85% or more of them coming from healthy fats

(raw cream, coconut oil, butter, MCT oil)

but still I lost those lbs at a much slower rate than most people do

while on a fat fast,

and as soon as I returned to my normal eating

(about 1500 calories of highish fat, moderate protein, low carb)

I'd gain them right back.

so. very. maddening.

There was one day in the fall that I weighed as soon as I got up 

to fix Tyler breakfast and send him off to work.

I was super tired, so after waving goodbye,

I turned off the lights

and went back to bed,

something I have given myself freedom to do,

in an effort to heal my body from years of sleep deprivation.

When I woke up an hour an a half later, I went pee,

then for kicks, weighed again.

I knew that it wouldn't be my 'true weight',

that it'd be a false low, from being somewhat dehydrated,

seeing that it was a few hours into the day and I hadn't even had any water,

but I was pretty desperate for some good news from the scale,

even if it wasn't  entirely accurate news....

People.

I had gained 1.6 lbs!

So much for a small victory.

How the hell did I gain weight 

while sleeping?!

It was then that I  pretty much lost hope.

I still ate very carefully

(or more accurately - very fearfully)

but I gave up on exercising.

I just couldn't talk myself into working out any more.

Some days, I'd get hungry 

and eat an actual lunch of food

in the afternoon,

but for the most part, 

I pretty much had a cup of coffee for breakfast

and another for lunch,

and ate dinner with the family.

During the holidays,

I allowed myself treats,

but didn't go too crazy.

By the time we finished with all of the Christmas get-togethers,

(technically - we aren't finished yet - we still have one more party)

I was pretty sick of 'cheating'

and just wanted to eat healthy.

I'm tired of being scared to eat.

And I've gotten flabby from not exercising. Ugh.

I decided that in 2016 

(starting Jan 4th)

I'd get back to doing Trim Healthy Mama,

(and actually mix in E meals,

instead of only eating S)

since that's what I'd lost weight with 

most successfully 

in 2013 and early 2014.

Being flabby isn't acceptable to me,

so I'll work out at least 5 days a week.

~

So.

One week in.

How's my plan working so far?

I worked out 6 days last week,

but I'd really like to develop a better plan,

so I'm not trying to figure out what I feel like doing at the moment.

I ate, for the most part, every 3-4 hours,

mostly deep S,

but a few heavy Ss, and some E and FP meals and snacks, too

(for the non-THMers: S meals are satisfying - fueled by fats, with very few carbs,

E meals are energizing - fueled with healthy carbs, with 5 or fewer grams of fat

and FP are fuel pull meals, meaning they don't contain many carbs or much fat,

so they pull from your fat stores. All meals and snacks contain some protein...)

Over the holidays, I'd gained 4 lbs,

(honestly - I'm pretty shocked it was only 4 lbs!!)

but every morning since Tuesday

I've been .2 lbs lighter

(which, for me, is excellent!)

until yesterday morning, when I discovered I'd gained 1.6 lbs.

And then this morning,

I gained another pound.

What the heck?!

I'm not so sure there'll be a new me this year after all.