frustrated and mad and sad and discouraged

I don't need the hormone that suppresses appetite.

Or makes you not binge-eat.

Or tells you when you are full.

Or makes you not want to eat carby things.

(can you tell I'm googling hormones and weight-loss again?)

I need the one(s) that will release the fat stored on my body

and the one(s) that will make me want to exercise.

And while I'm on the subject -

why are there photos of bony women in articles about hormones and weight loss?

And why

is always assumed that you are fat because you eat nothing but junk, and too much of it?

And why

do they tell you that these vital weight hormones will level off naturally,

once you've, you got it, lost weight?!

~

So.

Today is my 4 week weight/size progress check in

and let me tell you 

it is not pretty.

And I am beyond discouraged.

The good news is, 

I was faithful to exercise every day except for Sundays.

I'm up to 90 squats and crunches.

90!

I increased my weights whenever possible as I went through the 8 Minutes in the Morning book again.

I ate well.

I gave myself permission to eat whatever I want on special occasions

like Thanksgiving, Jeremiah's birthday, and various holiday related festivities.

Even so, I didn't go hog wild.

The bad news is - it didn't pay off.

I only lost .6 lbs.

In four weeks.

Your average joe could drop a big dooker and lose that in 8 seconds.

And inch-wise,

I lost a smidge in a few areas, but in several areas, I gained fractions of inches.

If I wasn't so stinking sick of being fat,

I'd just give up.

But I am,

so I'll keep plugging away like the stubborn fool that I am.

And maybe, like Tyler says, it'll all pay off...

But I'm kinda losing my optimism about that.