Friday, April 20, 2012

the beach

At first, I thought maybe I was just burnt-out.
Then I came to realize it was a little more serious than that.
Then it became a spiritual issue, too,
when I cried out to God for wisdom,
opened my Bible and begged him to show me something
- anything -
to help me.

And He was silent.

The downward spiral escalated.

I was always loath to use the 'D' word.
That is for selfish people who have simply taken their eyes off God
and are focusing on their own troubles.
If one would merely just re-focus their attention where it ought to be
all would be well.
there were a few extreme case where a real imbalance existed,
but most people who were depressed? 
They just needed to get over themselves.

What a pompous self-righteous ass I was!
And boy, did God teach me a lesson!!

I did a lot of researching how to get over burn-out
and pull yourself out of a funk.
how to overcome depression.
how to get out 'of the valley'.
that sort of thing.
I began to notice a common theme in every article and blog post I read.
both male and female
who had suffered from a bout of depression, spiritual dry spells, severe overload, etc
went to the beach.
(with the exception of Shaun Groves.  His depression was fairly short,
but exceptionally debilitating  - and no ocean was involved in his recovery)
Never mind that the majority of these folks' beach vacation were paid for
by their wealthy and generous parents,
I became convinced that if I could only get to the beach,
God would speak to me again,
and I would get better.

Last February, when Tyler's father died,
and we'd be going to the Gulf for his funeral,
I thought (and very likely even said) "Now, I will finally get to the ocean."
And then,
before we'd even started packing,
kids started puking.
You can't very well throw children with a tummy bug
in the car for a 13 hour drive.

I was so mad.
I was never going to get well.
I mean,
if God wouldn't even let me get to the beach  in conjunction with my father-in-law's funeral
there was no hope for me.

Fast forward a few months...
I knew that the horrible valley I was stuck in was emotional, mental, and spiritual.
What I wasn't sure about though, was if getting one area straightened out
would fix all areas, or if I'd still be a mess - but just a little bit less of one...
I decided that I was incredibly out of whack hormone-wise
and figured that'd be a good place to start,
so last Spring found us heading to NWA to see Dr Baker.

I'm still not 100% - there's a 'fog' that hasn't yet lifted entirely,
but I am so, so much better.
In all three areas.
I am so very grateful
(not to mention considerably more empathetic)
I no longer need to get to the ocean.

Guess where Tyler is taking us for a vacation this summer?

He's taking us to the beach!!
We're renting a house, more than twice the size of our own home,
right on the gulf
for an entire week!

I'm still geekin' out about it.


  1. I wish I could be there to see you geekin' out!!! How exciting!
    Lots of love and hugs to you.

  2. LOVE the beach!! I am so happy you get to go and just RELAX!
    looking out over the huge body of water, listening to the sounds of the waves wash up against the shore and the seagulls in the mornings, maybe seeing some dolphins popping in and out of the water, watching the gorgeous sunsets and sunrises, walking along the beach feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin while picking up seashells and feeling the sand in your toes and a breeze in your hair. yep. thats where I am gonna live one day! I just hope The family can get you to come home after your trip, you may never want to leave!! love you!!


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