the beach

At first, I thought maybe I was just burnt-out.

Then I came to realize it was a little more serious than that.

Then it became a spiritual issue, too,

when I cried out to God for wisdom,

opened my Bible and begged him to show me something

- anything -

to help me.

And He was silent.

The downward spiral escalated.

~

I was always loath to use the 'D' word.

Depression.

That is for selfish people who have simply taken their eyes off God

and are focusing on their own troubles.

If one would merely just re-focus their attention where it ought to be

all would be well.

Sure,

there were a few extreme case where a real imbalance existed,

but most people who were depressed? 

They just needed to get over themselves.

What a pompous self-righteous ass I was!

And boy, did God teach me a lesson!!

~

I did a lot of researching how to get over burn-out

and pull yourself out of a funk.

how to overcome depression.

how to get out 'of the valley'.

that sort of thing.

I began to notice a common theme in every article and blog post I read.

Every

single 

person

both male and female

who had suffered from a bout of depression, spiritual dry spells, severe overload, etc

went to the beach.

(with the exception of Shaun Groves.  His depression was fairly short,
but exceptionally debilitating  - and no ocean was involved in his recovery)

Never mind that the majority of these folks' beach vacation were paid for

by their wealthy and generous parents,

I became convinced that if I could only get to the beach,

God would speak to me again,

and I would get better.

Last February, when Tyler's father died,

and we'd be going to the Gulf for his funeral,

I thought (and very likely even said) "Now, I will finally get to the ocean."

And then,

before we'd even started packing,

kids started puking.

You can't very well throw children with a tummy bug

in the car for a 13 hour drive.

I was so mad.

I was never going to get well.

I mean,

if God wouldn't even let me get to the beach  in conjunction with my father-in-law's funeral

there was no hope for me.

Fast forward a few months...

I knew that the horrible valley I was stuck in was emotional, mental, and spiritual.

What I wasn't sure about though, was if getting one area straightened out

would fix all areas, or if I'd still be a mess - but just a little bit less of one...

I decided that I was incredibly out of whack hormone-wise

and figured that'd be a good place to start,

so last Spring found us heading to NWA to see Dr Baker.

I'm still not 100% - there's a 'fog' that hasn't yet lifted entirely,

but I am so, so much better.

In all three areas.

I am so very grateful

(not to mention considerably more empathetic)

and

I no longer need to get to the ocean.

~

Guess where Tyler is taking us for a vacation this summer?

He's taking us to the beach!!

We're renting a house, more than twice the size of our own home,

right on the gulf

for an entire week!

I'm still geekin' out about it.