for the record

Seriously.

This is a for-the-record post; for my records,

and will be of little interest to pretty much everyone

especially the 4 males who read here. 

Feel free to skip to the next post.

Really! 

*

*

*

*

Go on, now!

*

*

Okay.

We went back to see Dr Baker Sept 14th,

after having realized in June (or was it May?) that it was time to change up my hormone cream.

I'd been so pleased with the drastic improvement last time he changed it up,

actually wanting to live again and all,

that it hadn't occurred to me 

that we could change it up more, for better results.

Or maybe I thought of it, but was afraid that a change didn't necessarily mean an improvement,

and I definitely didn't want to back-track any. I'm not sure.

As Tyler put it,

before creams, there were only bad days.

And worse days.

There were no good days.

Good moments, but those were few and far between.

Now, there are good days, bad days, and only a few worse days every month.

But the worse days were getting more plentiful,

and so were the bad,

so it was time to go back.

I'm a little disappointed that the results aren't drastic since the new prescription arrived.

Last time, I noticed an improvement with one dose;

This time, nothing.

But

we had a yucky upper respiratory bug running through the house, and I had it,

so I reasoned that maybe, when I was better, I'd notice something?

But it ran its course, and I still didn't observe any earth-shattering improvement.

I realized last night, though, that there is some forward progress after all;

I'm on day 33 of my cycle

and I am civil.

I have been a functioning member of the household, and even society.

Which, actually is huge.

In the past, even in the good months, by day 26, I am a basket case.

I am ridiculously irritable (and I'm sure irritating, as well)

and most definitely can not interact with non-family members (I don't interact with family members so well, either).

Having to leave the house, even just to drop the boys off at TKD, is torture.

We won't even talk about mid-cycle madness; 

I'm not sure which is worse.

We also won't talk about skin issues, my pupils, or the bloating and weight gain that accompany these hell days.

Anyways, like I said, I'm on day 33 and I am civil.

Nice even, actually. (at least, I think...)

While I'm still not feeling the improvement I had hoped for,

I recognize that this really is quite huge.

And so, I'm grateful.

Now we need to figure out, do we wait a bit, and see how my body adjusts?

Or do we need to do more tweaking right away?

Or is it possible that I'll just never be quite right again??

(If all that was TMI - I apologize. But - I did warn you....)