Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I was thinking today...

Several years ago,
I dreaded hearing my father’s voice on the other end
when I picked up the phone.
He was making bad choice after bad choice
and he knew better.
I was so disgusted with him, I just wanted to write him off.
He’d hurt me.
Indirectly, but still painful.
It doesn’t matter how old a child is when their parents divorce;
(I was nearly 30)
it sucks.
(no, kids, you still can‘t say ‘sucks‘)
It shakes you to your very core.
You feel like everything you’ve ever known to be true
is just a lie.
I really felt quite justified in wanting no relationship
with the man who once danced me on his feet.
I used to be daddy’s girl.
Suddenly I was nobody’s,
‘cause I sure didn’t want to be his anymore!
I would have been happy to never talk to him again.
Tyler wouldn’t let me.
‘Never talk to him again’ that is.
Oh, there were a few times
when I was especially fragile
that he intercepted the phone for me
(not that the calls were terribly frequent)
but usually,
he encouraged me to love my father in spite of himself.
To honor him,
simply because God had made him my father.
I chose to listen to Tyler and at least attempt to honor my dad.
To be honest,
I still struggle today to know how to do that well.
The difference, though, is now I want to honor him,
not just because Tyler told me it was the right thing to do,
but because I truly want to.
The last time he called,
I was happy to hear his voice,
“Tracy. This is your father…”
I was thinking today..
How strong my husband was during that time.
It would have been so much easier for him to let me have my way.
To protect me in the way I wanted to be protected,
not the way I needed to be protected.
I can be such a stinker when things don’t go my way.
(or at least I used to could be - now, I’m pretty much sweet all the time.
That’s a joke, Son)
I love you!
More today than yesterday
and certainly more than 11, 12 years ago;
obviously far more than 22 years ago when we first started out.
Thank you for protecting me
For correcting me
For loving me.
For really loving me.
I am so proud of you!


  1. Thanks for sharing your heart. I understand. Yes, you have a good husband!
    Love you!

  2. Tracy,
    I understand...I have been in the same boat for far too long and my wonderful husband urges and encourages me in much the same way. Aren't we blessed?!


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