words to remember

The day
did not start off well.
I finally drug my butt out of bed,
and tried to be kind.
To not feel so
'off'.
So fragile. So frustrated.
It didn't work.

I am  doing sooo much better than I was a year ago.
And many days, I feel almost normal,
but mid-cycle is still especially rough.
Saturday was smack dab in the middle
of mid-cycle.
After 'blowing it' a few times,
I gave myself a time out.
I spread an extra 1/2 dose of progesterone cream on my belly
and sat down with my little devotional book
to re-set.
I shed a few 'why can't I just be alright?!' tears.
I read the day's devotional
then I read the scriptures that went with it.
Then I re-read one.

That verse is underlined in my Bible.

We were talking the other day about marking up Bibles
(Grandma recently gave away a bunch of her Bibles and study guides.
I foolishly chose a translation I had been wanting (NAS),
instead of picking one that she had written in. rats!!)
I said I should really at least make note of the date.
Sometimes I come across something I'd underlined
 and wonder what exactly it was that spoke to me & why....
I didn't have to wonder about this verse;
I remember exactly when I'd underlined it.
It was about a year and a half ago....
I was a wreck a year and a half ago,
but I still believed that God could heal me.
But I wasn't so sure He wanted to.
I don't really know how I came to be reading in Zephaniah that day,
but I was,
and I underlined chapter 3 verse 17,
because I wanted to believe that God would save me.
It wasn't miraculous healing,
and it's been much slower-coming than I would prefer.
But God did lead us to a doctor,
who did have insight and wisdom, which he shared,
and I am getting better.

When I read that verse yesterday,
 I was quieted with His love.





I had to type Zephaniah 3:17 up immediately
and print it out.
I wanted to be able to keep it in front of me - so I don't forget.
God rarely does things our way, and in our time,
but He is mighty to save.
I still struggle to believe that He could actually take great delight in me,
but I want to believe that.
If I don't keep the truth in sight, though, I will forget again.
I headed to the computer,
then remembered that for some stupid reason
than none of us can figure out,
our printer refuses to print a word document,
so I had to figure out another way to get these words on paper.
(my handwriting is atrocious, so that isn't an option....)
I took a crash course in how to make a printable
and few hours and a couple trips to the shop later,
I had - what I think is - a beautiful way to remember.

Then I realized I'd spelled Zephaniah wrong,
so I had to make another.
(actually I had to make several others, before I ended up with a decent one)
Finally,
three days later, I got my words on the wall.

Right by the mini-pantry, where I'll see it

every

single

day.