blew up my bloomin' shorts

16 years old.

Workin' at Western Sizzlin.

Pulled a pan of bakers out a 500 degreee oven where they'd been for the last hour

and set the pan on my arm.

That was a pretty good burn.

17 years old.

Workin' at Shoney's where I met my love.

'Bout lost a whole tray of plates and glasses,

but I didn't;

I steadied the tray with my right hand.

The hand that was holding a full pot of freshly brewed coffee.

Poured that coffee all over my left arm and leg.

Those were some mighty good burns, too.

Not all that long ago, 

hurrying in my own kitchen,

I got a steam burn that I had to ice for 3 hours before I could even consider going to bed

and kept me from hand sewing for a week.

No scar from that one, though, so I guess it's not really worth mentioning.

But it did hurt pretty bad, Pa.

The burn I sustained last night

while wearing these shorts?

Those burns don't have nothin' on this. 

~

A luna chick came after me

and bit me in the butt.

So to speak...