I knew a woman

I once knew a woman. 

She poured herself out taking care of her family. 

She gave and they took 

until one day she discovered she was empty. 

She’d forgotten to take care of herself

and found herself in a deep dark dessert valley
for more than two years. 

She cried out to God but He did not seem to hear her. 

She called out to a few friends, but they told her to run to God. 

She wanted to die. 

She prayed to die. 

But of course, God wasn’t listening. 

I knew a woman. 

And she was me.

~

I decided in April that I needed to fix my body,

 so that when God decided to fix the rest of me, I would be ready. 

I only wish I would have gone to see Dr Baker sooner.

I struggle with sharing this part of my life for several reasons. 

Mostly because I don’t wish to remember it;

 the past 26 months are better forgotten, I think. 

I'm not worried that you'll think less of me

(although you may)

because you can't possibly think any worse of me

than I do.

At this point (getting better, but not fully healed) 

the only good I can see of my time ‘in the valley’ 

is my husband’s love.

 I have always known he loved me. 

Loved me – period. 

But for the first time in my life, I felt unconditional love. 

Which is different from knowing.

I had planned on waiting until I was fully recovered, 

so I could share the ten step program for climbing out of the dessert. 

But I’m throwing it out here now

 because first of all, 

I don’t think there is a ten step program 

and secondly – because I want to say

 if you aren’t you - seek help now

please!  

Don’t wait 

until you truly believe the world would be better off without you.

Tyler told me last month

 that he really didn't 'believe in' hormone cream

  but he could clearly see it was working. 

Sometimes God heals people instantly. 

Sometimes, he uses modern medicine

 (as much as I hate to admit it ;-)

~

I knew a woman and she was me. 

But I am getting better.