circle of quiet

Thursday, I'll have had it for six weeks 

- the maximum time allowed by the library -

but I still haven't managed to finish it.

Which is a bummer; I really liked the book.

I have an old receipt as a bookmark

(do ya'll do this - just grab whatever scrap you can find?)

and I've scribbled down page numbers on it

where I found quotes I particularly liked.

I don't regularly do that.

Well, one time I borrowed The Read-Aloud Handbook

and returned if with about 20 tiny scraps of toilet paper in it

(what?! two squares of toilet paper was my bookmark....)

and when I borrowed it again, happy day,

they were all still in there.

Those are the books I think I should probably just own,

the ones I have all marked up.

Or rather, they would be marked up if I owned them...

- as a side note ~ if you have children

or have any part in the educating of children, I highly recommend

The Read Aloud Handbook -

Anyways,

I only made it to page 111 in A Circle of Quiet,

which captivated me from the very beginning, because I could so identify with it,

 when L'Engle wrote: Every so often I need OUT; something will throw me into total disproportion, and I have to get away from everybody - away from all these people I love most in the world - in order to regain a sense of proportion.

Sometimes I feel horrible, because I just. need. a. break.

but somehow, her saying it didn't sound bad at all - just normal.

Some of the other thoughts I especially liked are

When we are self-conscious, we cannot be wholly aware: we must throw ourselves out first. This throwing ourselves away is an act of creativity. So when we wholly concentrate, like a child in play, or an artist at work, then we share in the act of creating. We not only escape time, we escape our self-conscious selves. 
Actually - everything on page 11 is great.

from page 43 If we are given minds we are required to use them, but not limit ourselves by them. Continuing on the subject of creativity, page 46 is great, too...

Page 99 has some excellent thoughts, though not related to creativity.

Pages 109-110 had two questions for young people to ask themselves

 regarding how their relationship with someone 'special' effects them 

(yes - this book really is all over the place. 

I think that's part of why I've been so slow in reading it. 

I love it; but it requires a great deal of concentration - something that I often lack.)

The questions are: Are you functioning at a better level than usual?  

and 

How are your relations with the rest of  the world? 

Of course, she expounds on these questions....

My very favorite quote (so far) from A Circle of Quite comes from page 45

and I think if we could all remember it, the world would be a better place.

Love is not an emotion. 

It is a policy.

I'll just need to check it out again in a week or so,

for another six weeks, so I can finish it.

I wonder what other gems I will find hidden in its pages.

five things on Friday

1.

Tyler has been gone all week.

Last night at dinner Lexi prayed,

 "Thank-you that Daddy is coming straight home."

soon...

2.

You know it's rained a good bit here lately.

You also know we tend to have toilet troubles when it rains.

Yeah.

Tyler convinced me that if I just plunged it

while various boys covered up various plumbing air holes

(don't ask)

all our troubles would be over.

I plunged that sucker for ten minutes straight.

I have a blister.

from plunging.

But I still have poop in my pot.

3.

We've got 3 sick kids.

Tummy bug sick.

Poor Lex' has just been miserable.

She asked, "what does miserable mean?"

I told her and she agreed, yes, she was miserable!

4.

My hand-quilting is improving;

I haven't bled on my quilt in three days.

And I've got it down to about 45 minutes per block.

I've also learned that I do a better job 

if I don't try to watch a movie while quilting.

5.

Maybe I didn't really learn that though,

'cause I've still been watching old Designing Women episodes

sometimes while I quilt, thanks to the reminder from BooMama.

dipping my toes into hand quilting

First, I machine quilted diagonally 

across the patchwork section. (3.5 hrs)

Next, I free motion quilted some scriptures on the inner border.

(2 ish hours - still have one side to do)

Hand-quilting the pinwheels is next on the list.

As I suspected, I really enjoyed the stitching

and it was a nice break in a busy busy day.

That half a block took 30 minutes.

There are 40 pinwheels.

I'm gonna get faster.

I hope, I hope...

I'm also going to have to improve the back somehow...

basted

finally!

I let a little thing like my pinwheel blocks being a tad too small

keep me from finishing my quilt.

I couldn't exactly fix the problem

and I wasn't quite sure how to go about tackling it.

I want to be able to use the quilt, but I just dreaded working on it.

I finally gave myself a good talking to and pressed on.

It won't win any prizes in a quilt show
but I'm pretty fond of it anyway.

How to quilt it? 

I'm still mulling that over.

self awareness

I apparently have a thing

for bi-flavored lip balm;

I currently have tubes of

coconut lime,

chocolate mint,

and

raspberry lemonade

roaming about the house.

Oh. And a tube of citrus vanilla, too.

I wonder what this says about me?

six weeks out

We've been wheat-free for a little over six weeks now.

Off the top of my head, here's what I've noticed:

I should also note that when we dropped the wheat

-and dramatically reduced our intake of other grains and starchy carbs-

we upped our intake of green veggies and healthy oils

(namely coconut oil & palm shortening; 

I'd say olive oil consumption has actually decreased, 

due to the not making bread & tortillas)

We're also eating a ton of almonds

and a good bit of coconut.

Oh. and grassfed beef - as of 2 weeks ago.

I'd say the most obvious difference

is

we are all eating quite a bit less than we used to.

Except for Josiah - he is actually eating a bit more.

Jeremiah is able to exercise self control with food,

which is something we have never seen before;

he'll eat a small portion

and be full

and quit eating.

It's really quite remarkable.

Actually, we've all had more self-control food-wise,

and not felt deprived.

Also quite remarkable.

Personally,

I have noticed

(and I fully admit these things may or may not be relevant)

 my skin seems clearer,

I had my first pain-free (and short) period in years.

(without taking tons of garlic!)

TMI??

I haven't had nearly as much joint pain as I've been having.

For several months, my hands were often swollen and sore

so that I had difficulty opening jars, writing,

cutting food,

and doing hand-sewing.

I was so sad to think

 that I'd have to machine-sew my quilt bindings.

Let's see - what else?

I've lost 11 lbs.

Which I think isn't all that impressive considering

how much weight I have to lose

and the fact that I cut out the bottom level of the food pyramid.

But

when I also consider that

I've done very little exercising

and a good bit of sitting on my rump 

with my foot elevated lately,

11 lbs isn't so bad, after all.

Tyler, Brandon, and Jeremiah have all lost weight, too.

The one thing I haven't seen 

that I was hoping to - is a surge of energy.

Lots of people mentioned having so much energy

after going off wheat,

but I haven't noticed that at all.

Tyler, though, has not felt as drained as he usually feels.

He'll get some lab work done soon,

which will let us know if this way of eating 

has been successful with lowering his blood sugar,

blood pressure, and LDL levels.

Then

 we'll take it from there.....

just another duh moment

So.

I was at Hobby Lobby

doing some shopping for a little family project

when TJ called. 

After I'd grabbed what I went for,

I spent a few minutes just browsing the pretties

while I talked with him.

I spotted a cute little metal birdhouse sculpture

that I thought would look awfully cute in the pantry.

It certainly isn't a necessity, 

so I figured I'd snap a picture of it with my phone

and talk myself into it think about it for a week or so.

I started digging in my purse 

(which is actually fairly small as purses go)

and I felt sick to my stomach;

my phone wasn't in my purse.

I was just sure I'd put it in there,

because I'd added to my 1,000 gifts list

right before I got out of the car.

I started to tell T I needed to go

so I could go look for my lost phone...

bum foot bummer

I told Tyler yesterday

that I was going to go to today's appointment, 

expecting Dr Crotty (cringe) to tell me I'd need to keep wearing my boot.

That way, I wouldn't be disappointed with the news.

Not surprisingly - I have to keep wearing the boot.

(I grossly underestimated how much time I spend on my feet.)

What I wasn't expecting, though,

was for him to tell me that I'd need 'prescription orthotics'.

Forever.

Unless I want to re-injure my foot.

And that,

is a bummer!!

And

it makes me feel really old.

Ben & Lily

Just in case you wonder what 4-year-olds talk about after church....

"Benjamin told me he was thinking about marrying me.

So, I'm thinking I will probably marry him.

He said he had a dream about that."

"Marrying you?" I asked Lily.

"Not exactly; he had a dream about our anniversaries.

We go out to dinner."

Sarah Beth (Ben's big sis) happened upon them

as they were having this conversation.

She said Ben had a real serious look on his face.

She asked what they were talking about

and he replied, "Just stuff."

Ever the female, Lily added a little more detail.

And she was sure to let SarahB know

they were waiting 'til they got bigger.

I don't know if that'll ever happen,

but it'd sure be sweet;

they could say 

in all honesty

they've loved each other their whole lives.

whaddya think?

I know;
I know.

I'm not big on change.

and yet, here I am, messing with the blog...

I've actually wanted a cleaner look for awhile

and once I clicked on a new template,

I wasn't sure how to get the old one back

so I just decided to go for it.

I don't know that I'm done yet,
but I've wasted a ridiculous amount of time today
messing with it, so I'm calling it quits for now.
That and I've already bugged Lynnet enough for one day...
and my brain hurts.

HELP:
how to I get the header image to fill the space??

shopping with my boy

Way back when,

back when we were a normal sized family,

living in a normal-sized house,

we were real organized.

We had a cleaning schedule,

a monthly menu,

a regular library day - weekly - complete with a picnic,

and I went grocery shopping every Thursday afternoon,

with 1 kid.

Which kid it was, was based on a 3 week rotation.

I wish I could get my act half as together as it used to be.

*sigh*

Sunday

after church,

I had Tyler drop off Jeremiah and I at Walmart

while he took the rest of the kids and ran to Sam's.

I don't really prefer to shop on Sundays,

but it works for us right now.

And let's be honest, 

my not running to the grocery store on Sunday

isn't going to allow employees to not have to work Sunday...

But that's not the point.

The point is - it was really nice,

shoppin' with just my bub.

We checked price per ounce to make sure we got the best deal.

We guessed how much produce would weigh

and then guessed how much it would cost.

(Practical Mathematics, we used to call it)

We talked - although I can't remember about what.

We weren't in a huge rush.
It was nice.
Peaceful, even.

It reminded me of old times.

(Except we didn't get a secret snack.)

working myself out of job and an invitation

~

a really long post about not much of anything

So.

Tyler and I stayed up waaaay too late last night,

messing with house plans.

Once upon a time - we did that for fun.

For fun!

It isn't fun anymore.

In fact,

I kinda hate it ~ there's so much pressure now

to come up with the perfect plan.

And you can forget finding a plan online

or in a book that would be a good fit for us!
Anyways.

We were up past 2.

And still, I couldn't get to sleep for over an hour.

I couldn't take melatonin, since I wouldn't be getting 

anywhere near 8 hours of sleep.

Although, now I'm wondering - if I'd have taken a half a pill,

do you think maybe it would have only released for 4 hours??

I haven't been drinking coffee regularly lately;

just don't really want it most days.

But

seeing that I was short on sleep,

I figured I ought to make some this morning

and here is how my day started

once I finally drug myself out of bed:

Apparently, my coffee bag had a hole,

and as I filled my little pot, I dumped an equal amount....

I sent Tyler a text

'I hope this isn't indicative of my day'.

I'll spare you the details, but my next text to him

(sent an hour and a half later while at a red light, 

after sighting the train, after leaving the house late)

read:
Things are conspiring against me.

On the way to church, I realized that Lexi hadn't gone potty yet,

so I decided that everyone should go - for good measure -

and told the kids nobody was going potty during the service.

This was going to add several minutes...

After pottying, (what? that's not a word?)

we visited for a few minutes in the bathroom with a sweet gal,

and as we walked down the hall,

(finally - about 5 minutes late)

Lily says with a huge smile, 

while practicing her Fancy Nancy walking,

"Well, that was really fun, in the bathroom!"

We should get out more.

We got a little closer to the Gathering Area,

and I could see that there was some kind of celebration going on.

I was trying to remember if I knew what it might be

when I saw Grandma Bess!!

100 year old Grandma Bess!

I guess things weren't conspiring against me, after all.

(as a bonus - the kids were super during church. 

All of them. The entire service. 

Amen.)

turns out

we do like 

grass-fed beef!

Had our first roast yesterday;

it was scrumptious!

I just cooked it at a lower temp

and for longer

than I normally would.

yum!!

~

speaking of beef - I never told you about the freezer...

Lana had offered to keep our beef in their freezer,

but I kinda wanted the convenience of having it here.

And also

after we go to the dairy,

our fridge freezers are so full of milk

for 3-4 weeks, while we drink our fresh milk,

that we only have enough room

for about 5 lbs each of chicken and green beans.

Which is 2 meals worth of each - if you were wondering. 

So, we really could use the freezer space!

We found a chest freezer online at Home Depot

that was considerably less expensive than comparable freezers elsewhere.

But we aren't really fans of some of HD's policies

and prefer to shop at Lowe's.

We're all for 'voting with our shopping dollars',

but the very real fact is - we only have so many dollars

with which to vote. 

Gets tricky sometimes.

Anyways.

We decided to go to Lowe's and see if they had anything

 in the store

that we hadn't seen online.

It just so happened that the store manager

(or was it the asst. manager?)

walked by while we were looking at a freezer

very much like the one we'd found online for HD,

priced $118 higher than Home Depot's price.

Tyler explained to him that we aren't fond of Home Depot

and we'd very much like to spend our money with them,

but we just couldn't spend that much more

for a similar product.

Long story short(er)

they came down $79 on the freezer,

so for an extra $39, we got 2 additional baskets,

.2 extra cubic feet (big whoop) and an interior light.

And we got to give Lowe's our business, instead of Home Depot.

And that's our freezer story.

ya think?

I had the thought,

as I was feeling giddy

putting away my Azure Standard booty,

that maybe - just maybe,

I 

am a little weird.

guess he told me

We were taking the ornaments off the tree.

Jeremiah handed me one that I wasn't positive was his.

As I skimmed the note from his remaining empty box
I said, "Just wait a second, 'til I see if it's yours."

"Well - it was mine last year"

was his quick reply.

beef - it's what's for dinner

It's something we've talked about

off and on

for several years now.

We finally decided to do something about it.

Lana started looking for grass fed beef a few weeks ago.

When you cut out grains,

you tend to think a little more seriously

about what you eat 

eats.

I took her research and ran with it

and ended up getting contact info for a group in F'ville

that raises cows the way I would want to,

if I were ever going to raise a cow.....

Anyways.

All that to say - we have a half of a cow in our freezer!

More accurately, 3/4 of a half a cow,

since we split it with Luke and Lana.

By my calculations,

we've got 56 meals worth of beef (2 -3 lbs)

averaging $12.88 / per meal 

for our family of 5 big eaters, and 3 little ones.

We're pretty stinkin' excited!

I hope we like grass-grown beef....

new towels

Remember last week - when I said I'd ordered fabric
for a little project?

It's a happy fabric - maybe you've heard of it?

California Dreamin' by the fabulous Jenean Morrison!

 We got rid of the dishwasher a few weeks ago;

it's always leaked, but the leaking had gotten worse

and I didn't want my pretty new floor getting messed up.

 And besides, 

we practically washed the dishes before loading them anyways...

 I figured If I was going to have towels on my counter all the time,

they ought to be pretty.

 At first,

I was just going to buy new towels.

But where would be the fun in that?

Plus I figured,

to get kitchen towels of any quality,

I'd have to pay a good bit for them....

If I was going to pay good money for something,

might as well be something I really love, huh?

And the best part?

Actually, there's 2 best parts:

I used birthday money (thanks, Mom & Gramma!)

and

I have leftover fabric :-)

i said yes!

25 years ago,

I got a cute little puppy for Christmas.

Which is nice and all,

except

I was expecting a ring.

a diamond ring.

~

It was early evening on the 27th of December, 1986.

My family was going to be heading to Illinois soon.

Tyler came to my apartment around  6:00.

7ish, I called my mom and told her

it wasn't looking like it'd be today, either,

and to just go ahead and leave.

Not long after that,

Tyler asked me to get him a piece of banana bread.

I went to the fridge

(I kept banana bread in the fridge?!?)

and there, sitting in my nearly empty fridge

was a little green velvet-lined box

with a sparkly huge diamond peeking out of it.

I squealed and ran to the living room

where Tyler got down on one knee

and asked me to marry him.

I called my mom back and told her not to leave yet

and we ran over to show off my ring.

He never did get that slice of banana bread.

But it's okay,

'cause pretty much every year since,

he's gotten some.

the party

We changed things up a bit from last year

and had the birthday cake for breakfast.

Once again,

we read from Matthew 25 to find out what gifts Jesus would like.

Without knowing how much money we were contributing,

each kid dug deep into their piggy banks

(which are really just sad wrinkled envelopes)

so they could give too.

Then

we passed out envelopes of homemade cash in assorted bills.

There was an extra envelope with a glittery pickle on it.

A few years before she died,

Granny started the pickle tradition:

She'd hide a pickle ornament in the tree

and whoever found it 

got an extra gift.

While ornament shopping,

we found a pickle just like hers

and decided we'd carry on the tradition.

with a twist:

the pickle finder would get an extra $50 

to spend on birthday gifts for Jesus!

 Jeremiah found it! 

I grabbed a stack of envelopes

and a piece of paper.

As Tony determined where to buy what,

I quickly wrote it in a chart.

As people decided what they wanted to purchase

I'd stick the money in an envelope

neatly labeled with the item, how much it cost

and which charitable organization we'd buy it from.

From Compassion, we bought Jesus

1 cow

3 goats

a swingset

and

a skilled birth attendant for 1 birth

(guess who chose that ;-)

We purchased

5 chickens

from Partner's International Harvest of Hope

(I also ordered their book!)

From  Samaritan's Purse we got

bees for a family, so they could start a honey business

and Lily and Lexi got food for a week for 9 hungry babies

or their nursing mommas.

We kinda hit the jackpot with World Vision.

We gave $73 for clothes and that gift will be multiplied 

11 times - providing $803 worth of warmth!

Our gift of $21 for emergency food will be quintupled.

I kinda wanted to specify the food go to Haiti,

since that's where the Hendricks are,

but the money would only have been quadrupled,

so it seemed wiser to just give to the global food crisis.

We also got mosquito nets for 2 families

and gave 50 bucks to the Maximum Impact Fund,

so World Vision could use the money where it was most needed.

This Christmas, all together,

wait - I've got to add it up.....

Oh, YAY!!

All together

We gave $691 to feed, clothe, and look after Jesus!

(I feel like it seems like I'm bragging,but that really isn't my heart!

I just want us to be able to look back later and see what we gave,

 as encouragement and also as a challenge to live even more generously)

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Thank-you, God, for giving the unimaginable gift,

Your Son. Your only Son.

baby come back

During the late fall and early winter of '76,

once a week

after school

we'd go to my Aunt Bonnie's house

and the kids would play

while my mom worked on my Christmas present.

I knew whatever it was would be really special,

because she spent a lot of time on it.

I had no idea at the time, how right I was.

Christmas morning, 1976 (8 yrs old)

Johnny arrived in yellow zippered  jammies stitched with gray thread

and I loved him immediately.

My favorite Christmas present ever!

~

Through all of my moves

and purges

Johnny came with me.

In Fort Smith, he lived on the green bench in the upstairs hall.

Ten or so years ago, I found a girl doll with blond braids

 at a yard sale

made from the same pattern my mom had used.

I was thrilled to have her,

but she didn't have quite the value that Johnny had to me

and when we got rid of over half our belongings,

she didn't make the cut.

Johnny went into storage.

When he got packed away,

the plan was 1 year.

~

Several weeks ago,
almost 6 years after my beloved doll got stuck in a box,

we were sorting through our stored items in the shop.

My wedding veil and flowers hadn't fared well in storage

and reluctantly got tossed in the fire with a sigh.

And then,

we got to the box that Johnny was in.

For the record - plastic tubs make much better storage containers

than boxes.

Wasps and mud daubers can still get in and build nests,

but mice

and other critters

can not.

Not knowing this bit of wisdom, 

Johnny, dressed in a pair of TJ's preemie jammies,

was in a cardboard box,

and he was apparently the coziest thing in that box,

and the mice had a party with him.

Oh, how I cried.

I was going to throw him in the fire, too,

but Tyler told me not to;

said maybe he could be repaired.

I wanted to believe him, but I wasn't so sure.

Heart-sore, I obediently stuck him back in the box anyways.

~

Unbeknownst to me, when we went up for Thanksgiving,

Tyler brought the horribly damaged doll to my mother.

And many painstaking hours later,
she had cleaned and repaired him!

Mom said he was bobbing around in his soak water
so she added some weight to hold him under
and when she uncovered him - this is what she found.
He was just waiting to be re-born.

She sent him back as 'a present from Santa' with TJ.
(who had no clue what was in the package).

His jammies were irredeemable,

but Johnny himself

looks good as new.

I'm sooo glad I didn't toss him in that fire!

 The little kids didn't see what the big deal was,

why Momma was crying over a doll;

but the big boys, and Tyler,

they knew.

With the exception of photographs,

he is the only piece of my childhood 

that survived all my purges.

The one earthly thing

that means the world to me.

Thank-you, Mom, for giving Johnny new life.

And thank-you, Love,

for rescuing him from the flames.

no wonder

 we are in a nutritional mess!

I clicked on a link to get free samples of healthy products

and
saw this

seriously?!

chocolate drops

For when you want a little something.

Tyler made these so we could have some treats

at my family's Christmas gatherings last weekend.

They got a thumbs up from everyone who tasted them

from my don't-really-care-what-he-eats brother

to my totally buff body-builder sister.

Chocolate Drops

Melt:

4 squares Bakers unsweetened chocolate - grated

3Tbs Xylitol - powdered in a small grinder OR a bit of stevia powder

1/4 c. coconut oil

Add:

1/4 c. raisins - chopped

1/2 c. almonds or pecans - chopped small & toasted

1 c. unsweetened shredded coconut

Mix well and drop onto a wax paper covered baking sheet.

Pop in the freezer for a few minutes 'til they harden a bit.

Enjoy!

humble pie

So. 

Guess where I went today.

Mmhmm.

the Crotty Foot Clinic.

I did actually find some more podiatrists in town,

but one of Tyler's co-workers had been to see Crotty & said he was fine

and the earliest appointment I could get was with him.

Of course, my issue was never with the doctor,

just his name.

Or rather the stupid disgusting name he chose for his clinic...

Anyways.

The back of that heel there should be roundy, not pointy.

It turns out
an obese 43 year old woman has no business
trying to do Couch to 5K - at least not the 12 week program.
So,
I will be wearing a boot thing for 3 weeks
and staying off my feet most of the day
(Mmhmm.)
and taking an anti-inflammatory
(which I'm not thrilled about)
and hopefully I will be good as new(ish) soon.

almost Christmas daybook

right now, I am 

wearing

pjs and my much loved 13 year-old robe.

And gators, because my slippers got too holey to wear.

I'm sure hoping there's a pair under the tree.

listening to

not much of anything.

Every once in awhile, the heater will make some noise,

and there is a rooster crowing way off in the distance.

Oh - some dogs barking, too.

thankful 

for almonds. 

Really! They have made the transition to 

this new way of eating

so much more tolerable for us.

thinking

that it's time to make an appointment.

Even if it has to be with Crotty Foot Clinic.

My heel has been on fire for over an hour straight.

Usually, it's just a few seconds at a time,

several times a day.

It is very nearly unbearable.

I am reading

Wheat Belly, Large Family Logistics,

(which was a lovely surprise gift from a sweet lady

I don't even know very well)

and a few books from the library,

but no novels right now.

in the kitchen

I am learning how to cook 

all over again.

Some days I am more up for the challenge than others.

Mostly, though,

it really hasn't been too bad. 

creating

not much of anything.

There are only so many hours in a day.

Any extra time available is spent studying grain-free eating.

I would really like to get back to my red and blue quilt, though.
I did clean off my sewing desk a few weeks ago.
Oh - and I ordered fabric for a quick little project.
And if I win this giveaway, I'll order some Flora
and make a quilt for the LEM.

looking forward
to my sweet love being off work 10 days in a row!
Part of me wants to pick up and go somewhere.
The saner part just wants to stay home.
I have to remind myself that what I think will be fun
rarely is.